After reworking this assignment and closely looking at my tutors comments I can see how much I have missed in my original submitted assignment. The questions posed to me in the feedback where legitimate and once reading my account again I could see the disjointed aspect of my writing.
I feel I have now looked further into the pieces and after researching Roland Barthes words about photographs it all seemed to click. I hope I have explained myself more clearly and my examples of what Hockney may have saw and felt when making Pearl Blossom Highway 2 are enriched as coming away from an assignment for a few months and then looking at it again really does help.
I have taken parts out that didn’t make any sense to either myself or my tutor or parts that needed elaboration. On further reading I felt these parts had no place and didn’t structure well within the writing. Such as;
‘Looking at the artwork it is very well put together and I couldn’t work out at first whether it was a painting, a collage of photographs or a collage of photographs photographed and then painted.’
‘I think he has captured the landscape of the desert and the feel of having a driver side view even though he wasn’t driving really well.’
This is just a mess with too many words and no real form or function to it. The ‘driving not very well’ part was from the story about him being a passenger in the car and how the driver was driving quite badly. This didn’t fit with the original question and offered no explanation or meaning so it was taken out.
I feel the writing flows better and answers the assignments original question.
I have added better references and have shown where pieces of information have come from as again there were missing parts and sentences with no distinction as to where they had come from.